OK, so…the title of this post is a bit dramatic and unfair. 2009 actually brought with it some really amazing things. My new record “From Pillar To Post” was released and was received better than my little brain could have imagined…First by the press, then by all of you guys. It’s been really great to finally get to share where I’ve been since 2007 with you after going into hiding shortly after I got signed with “Beat The World”. Thanks so much for listening, for helping to spread the word about my tunes, and for reminding me constantly why it is that I write songs in the first place.
On the flipside to all of this professional joy, the past year has been quite a journey for me personally. 2009 was the first year since 1994 where no Alcohol or Cocaine entered my body. Like…NONE. I got clean in the beginning of 2008, so it was tainted by a couple of months of freebasing and I didn’t quit drinking until December of ’08…but this year was clean, start to finish. I’m nearing the 2 year anniversary of my last journey to cracked-out partytown…I know for normal people that doesn’t seem like a very big deal, but for me and for anyone who has ever known or loved me, it’s noteworthy. I’m finally at a point with the getting well that it’s not such a constant struggle to function. All I really have to say about that is…FUCK YES!!! FINALLY!!!!!
At this point, I have torn down every part of my old life and am about to start over. After over 6 years of moving in one direction together, my partner and I split up in July and I’ve spent much of the past 6 months since just regrouping, catching my breath, mourning the loss of that companionship (and that of one of my dogs, Spike, who went to live with “other dad” when he left), and making a new plan. I made decisions this year that kicked me WAY out of my comfort zone and have left me feeling vulnerable and beyond frightened at times, but I’ve managed to navigate through and have finally hit the light at the end of the dark tunnel. I feel great sorrow for this loss in my life, and it is a neon example of how some things which I broke when I was high are just unfixable, no matter how hard anyone tries. I wish him nothing but the greatest happiness and hope the new year brings peace and healing for both of our sad, broken hearts.
That same week in July I went to stay with my Mom and Dad in the Oregon desert. We spent the first part of the week in a raw emotional state, talking out old festering wounds and repairing cracks in the foundation of our family unit that had been made long ago. We cried for the better part of the week, but managed to come back together at some point while I was there. That time with them is the most beautiful experience I’ve had in my life so far and things are forever changed as a result of those moments together.
I’ve made a lot of new friends this year and am really excited to be starting a new decade this week with all of you in tow. I feel light again, like things are clearing up. I am determined to bring my personal life up to speed with my professional life this year…gonna make some happy stuff happen!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!!! See you on the 7th at Doug Fir in Portland! It’s gonna be a really good show. “Cars & Trains” and “The Gentry” rule the skool.
xxLL
