As I approach the 12th anniversary of my being in recovery from cocaine and alcohol, I am genuinely feeling really happy to be here, and so excited about life.

This hasn’t always been the case, as anyone who has followed me for any length of time will already know. I was using drugs back then for a reason — many reasons, actually — and those reasons didn’t magically disappear just because I quit smoking crack and killing my body slowly with vodka. If anything, those reasons became clearer and felt worse as I was getting well.

I am forever thankful for my doctors, who allowed me to go on a journey of harm reduction instead of total abstinence at first. The reality is, this recovery would never have worked if I hadn’t been put on Naltrexone for cravings, or if I hadn’t been able to use medical marijuana during my transition from suicidal junkie to regular human person. Pot saved me for many years, and gave me the space and time I needed to become myself again after nearly two decades of orbiting the atmosphere alone.

A few months ago, the weed stopped helping like it once had, and I went back to the same team of docs who had saved me, to see what was up. I made the transition from medical marijuana to BusPar around that time and almost immediately felt that impending sense of doom I’ve had strapped to my back since childhood disappear completely.

This is all just to say, recovery looks different for everyone, and it changes over time. If medication assistance helps you, take the medicine. I certainly have, and I’m zero percent ashamed about it. If you are experiencing addiction but aren’t ready to go totally sober right at first, then just find ways of hurting yourself less. That all counts as recovery, too — and fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

If you had told me 12 years ago that this life I’ve been living would someday be mine to live, I would never have believed you…but here we are. Healthy, happy and loved. 100% sober. Alive, inspired, and grateful. This shit is a goddamn miracle. 🤘💛

My episode of the Beyond Well Podcast with Sheila Hamilton premiered today! We talk about addiction, recovery, the music industry, medical marijuana, abuse, resilience, surviving Portland in the 90s, and more.

Glasys and I also play some music during the show.

Have a listen and subscribe HERE, or press play below:

I quit drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, popping pills, shooting speedballs, doing lines of cocaine, and smoking crack 11 years ago this week.

This was my body back then. I was 6’ 4” tall and weighed 137 pounds. I was sick and dying and did not care. It took years for me to learn to care, and I’m so grateful for every doctor, every therapist, every friend, every family member, every collaborator, and every stranger who cared on my behalf back when I could not.

Thank you love, thank you dogs, thank you music, thank you Naltrexone, thank you medical marijuana, thank you television, thank you pretty shoes, thank you burritos, thank you second chances, and thank you forgiveness.

I’m here for it. 🏆