Thank you to everyone who has been streaming the single or pre-ordered the EP since yesterday when Kill Rock Stars announced it! I see you, gays.
And huge thanks to JD Samson, MAN ON MAN, Xiu Xiu, Bright Light Bright Light, and Plack Blague for being part of this with me. I love every single one of you.
Also I used to hide Faith No More CDs in my pants at the back of Camelot Music in the mall because I had to smuggle secular music into our house as a kid, so to have Roddy Bottum on this thing is wild.
If you find my album at a big box store, you absolutely have my permission to put that ish in your underwear and walk out. 🖤
The reality is, for many disabled artists and bands with people who have pre-existing conditions or compromised immune systems, playing shows without pretty extreme Covid safety precautions is not on the table right now.
THE PANDEMIC IS NOT OVER.
I can’t stress enough how thankful I am to be signed to a label that supports its artists and prioritizes our wellness and safety.
Label and labelmate support aside, you would not believe how much grief I’ve gotten from all kinds of people for pulling out of our tour and SXSW.
I wouldn’t normally spend an entire week retweeting the posts of friends, artists, and colleagues who caught Covid at a festival, but SXSW balked at all of our attempts to create (and pay for out of pocket) an actually safe environment for my showcase to still happen this year. They said no to keeping me safe, and we told them to go screw.
LOL ABLEISM.
Anyway, I stand by everything I wrote HERE when we pulled out of the festival and I am so fucking glad we didn’t go.
And please, for the love of music, wear your masks when you go to a show. It’s not that fucking hard and you are literally going to kill folks like me if you don’t.
I can’t make you all care about other people — but I wish you would. Live music should be accessible. Full stop.
This month I am celebrating 14 years in longterm recovery from a 16 year addiction to cocaine and alcohol that nearly took my life many times.
I am really happy to be here. 🖤
For the first decade after I stopped trying to hurt myself, I had these incredible moments of shame and guilt and weird panic take me over constantly, just about having been this person for so long — and I still sometimes do.
Like…how did I ever think anything I did, wrote, sang, or said in the 90s and early 00s was ok? How could I have hurt myself so much and cared so little for other people?
I do my best to stay compassionate with myself, and so many of you have shown me the same over the years.
If you are someone I hurt, humiliated, or discarded somewhere along the way, I’m truly sorry. All I can really say is that hurting people hurt people, and I was hurting for many years.
Every single change I’ve made in my life has been made in the direction of my knowing I needed to do better, be better, and ultimately take responsibility for the entire experience of having been me this whole time — both as a very sick person, and now having been a very well person for many years.
I was talking to John from Portugal. The Man a few months ago about how so many things would never have happened if I had been successful in killing myself. One of the things I listed was that we would never have met. He very kindly let me know that we had met before I was well and that he just had never brought the experience up because clearly I did not remember and he knew I had been through a lot.
I have no recollection of this, and so many other experiences from that time; But I know that many of you retain these memories of me from before, and I am so grateful to John and every single one of you who have been willing to meet me again over the years, and have made space for me in your lives since.
Thank you to everyone who tried to keep me safe or showed me love during those early years — and thank you all for giving me the chance to be who I am now. It is your kindness that has carried me through.
No SXSW for me this year. I just officially pulled out of the festival.
Human rights violations on the state level aside, I am very committed to being part of a music industry that actually cares about people who are at heightened risk for complications from Covid-19 and makes space for people with disabilities and pre-existing conditions to still do what they love safely. That’s not the current trend and it’s really fucking gross.
I’m lucky to be on a label that supports me here. I know that’s not the case for everyone right now.
