I want to take a moment to publicly thank Kendall Clawson, Sam Adams, Bob Speltz, Judge Kemp, Robert Goman, LeAnn Locher, Anne Viola-Krause, Tim Healea, Paul Fukui, Glenn Goodfellow, Neola Young, Nash Jones, Karen Petersen, Stacey Rice, Susan Kocen, Noah Wood, Dede Willis, Heather Nichelle, Ali Williams, Mary Emily O’Hara, Brian Charles Johnson, and all the other countless, caring, compassionate people who have bravely stepped up over the years to found, fund, build, sustain and, several times, fight to save the vital community resource that Q Center was designed to be.

Despite smoke and mirrors from my record label at the time, when I came to Q Center in 2010 I had nothing. Less than nothing, actually. I was traumatized by violence, was recently in recovery from a 16 year addiction to crack and alcohol which had left me ravaged physically and emotionally, had been freshly divorced while simultaneously being chewed up and spit out by the music industry, and I was living in a stranger’s converted garage. I was completely broke, starving, freezing at night, and, frankly, wanted to die.

One afternoon I found myself at Q Center and for the first time (maybe ever), I felt safe. I belonged. No one cared that I was broken. No one was scared of my need. In fact, they didn’t even see me as those things. They only cared that I was alive and that I was there — because that’s what family does.

Kendall invited me to come back the next day, so I did. When I got there, I told her I wanted to cancel my tour midway through, fire my team, turn my album into a fundraiser for the center, and keep showing up as long as I could be of use — and that’s what happened. I felt useful for the first time in years, and I stayed for the next 5 years.

While many of us have gone on to become successful after our time at Q Center, the truth is that none of us had much of anything back then — but we always had each other; And the people who did have resources gave everything they had to build a home for our community.

We fought for each other. We loved each other. We protected each other. And, most importantly, we created the first safe space many of us had ever experienced. We did all of this together, brick by brick, dollar by dollar, as a community, using our blood, sweat, intentions, and tears as the mortar.

When I literally had no food in my fridge and was too “famous” and ashamed to ask for help, Kendall fed me. I know she also had very little back then, but her care and concern for me and for all of our communities was always front and center. There were many days where the only food I ate was what was leftover at the end of the night after Q Center events, and I know I was not the only queer or trans person having their basic needs met within those walls, because I was often the one wrapping up to-go meals for other hungry queer and trans people.

Q Center saved my life, and it has saved countless others. This Portland Pride weekend, I’m using several copies of The Oregonian as a potty pad for my dog, and I’m celebrating Kendall and all of the people who made this big, gay, community magic possible to begin with — from founding board members and donors, to volunteers and program participants, to staff and community partners along the way.

I SEE YOU.
🌈❤️

Those of you who have been following my #VanLife adventure since my professional pivot into the wild last year may have been scratching your head about why I seem to have not really gone on any sort of adventure at all.

Some of you have reached out to see what happened to our fall tour plans, or why I haven’t come to visit, even recreationally. Some of you just think I’m being a lazy rich kid who can’t be bothered (and have told me so). But those of you who know me in real life have picked up on the fact that not everything has gone as planned out here, expressing concern that I seem to be parked and isolating in remote corners of the Pacific NW.

The reality is, #VanLife is fucked.

This narrative doesn’t match a lot of my photo shoots and public posts because I’ve remained committed to finding beauty in nature and making the best of it, while holding onto the dream I first set out to realize and working to see it all through. It’s not miserable because I have somehow changed my mind about wanting to tour. I haven’t. I very much still want to promote this record and sing these special songs for (and with) all of you. And it’s not because I don’t like the small space or the sometimes-rugged complications of full-timing in an RV. I’m game for all of that anticipated (and un-anticipated) adventure stuff. That is not what’s happening here, either. And oh my god it’s not because I’m lazy or rich. Ugh. I wish! Unfortunately, neither of those things are true anymore (though they definitely have been before, so I get the perception). And it’s not even that I’m depressed or sketched out about the constant online bullying and death threats, which would normally be a major contender after so much time out here alone and so many thousands of homophobic trolls piling on with the release of this new record.

Sadly, what’s actually happening is much more heartbreaking (and potentially sinister).

I will start by officially announcing that we have to cancel our 2019 tour plans that were included in all of the “My Movie Star” album press over the past year. We were supposed to announce the bands and cities March 1st for shows beginning in spring, but instead, it’s canceled. All of it.  I’ve been dodging questions and playing along, but no more. Read the rest of this entry »