As I approach the 12th anniversary of my being in recovery from cocaine and alcohol, I am genuinely feeling really happy to be here, and so excited about life.

This hasn’t always been the case, as anyone who has followed me for any length of time will already know. I was using drugs back then for a reason — many reasons, actually — and those reasons didn’t magically disappear just because I quit smoking crack and killing my body slowly with vodka. If anything, those reasons became clearer and felt worse as I was getting well.

I am forever thankful for my doctors, who allowed me to go on a journey of harm reduction instead of total abstinence at first. The reality is, this recovery would never have worked if I hadn’t been put on Naltrexone for cravings, or if I hadn’t been able to use medical marijuana during my transition from suicidal junkie to regular human person. Pot saved me for many years, and gave me the space and time I needed to become myself again after nearly two decades of orbiting the atmosphere alone.

A few months ago, the weed stopped helping like it once had, and I went back to the same team of docs who had saved me, to see what was up. I made the transition from medical marijuana to BusPar around that time and almost immediately felt that impending sense of doom I’ve had strapped to my back since childhood disappear completely.

This is all just to say, recovery looks different for everyone, and it changes over time. If medication assistance helps you, take the medicine. I certainly have, and I’m zero percent ashamed about it. If you are experiencing addiction but aren’t ready to go totally sober right at first, then just find ways of hurting yourself less. That all counts as recovery, too — and fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

If you had told me 12 years ago that this life I’ve been living would someday be mine to live, I would never have believed you…but here we are. Healthy, happy and loved. 100% sober. Alive, inspired, and grateful. This shit is a goddamn miracle. 🤘💛

For a year that included me having to fight multiple tech companies in and out of the press for protecting trolls and profiting off of abuse, a full blown RV manufacturing scandal and international media tour that I inexplicably found myself at the center of as a RoadTrek owner, and a major integration back into society after 9 months of off-grid misadventuring at the beach, I love that my 2019 still somehow managed to be all about pop stars, very pretty clothes, building rad shit with my favorite people, responding to hate by going punk on systems change, having my songs somehow make their way into the mainstream, signing to a new label, and the beauty of nature in spite of it all.

If you’re reading this, fuck yes. I love you. Thanks for being here. 🖤

Just had a super lovely morning with Sheila Hamilton, Dr. Brian Goff, and Dr. Jenna Lejeune at the Beyond Well Podcast taping. Thanks for making us feel so welcome and comfortable, Beyond Well team!

Everyone go subscribe to this podcast now so you don’t miss our episode: www.BeyondWellWithSheilaHamilton.com 🖤💛

Here is a clip of me and Glasys playing Big City Now in the most intimate setting ever: