LOGAN LYNN // NEW MONEY \\ OUT NOW!

  

The last time I got wasted was 14 years ago tonight.

Everyone who knew me back then thought I was a goner — but here I am, a very much not-goner.

Appreciate the opportunity to still be gay and stupid after all these years.

🖤

#RecoveryIsPossible

14 years.

This month I am celebrating 14 years in longterm recovery from a 16 year addiction to cocaine and alcohol that nearly took my life many times.

I am really happy to be here. 🖤

For the first decade after I stopped trying to hurt myself, I had these incredible moments of shame and guilt and weird panic take me over constantly, just about having been this person for so long — and I still sometimes do.

Like…how did I ever think anything I did, wrote, sang, or said in the 90s and early 00s was ok? How could I have hurt myself so much and cared so little for other people?

I do my best to stay compassionate with myself, and so many of you have shown me the same over the years.

If you are someone I hurt, humiliated, or discarded somewhere along the way, I’m truly sorry. All I can really say is that hurting people hurt people, and I was hurting for many years.

Every single change I’ve made in my life has been made in the direction of my knowing I needed to do better, be better, and ultimately take responsibility for the entire experience of having been me this whole time — both as a very sick person, and now having been a very well person for many years.

I was talking to John from Portugal. The Man a few months ago about how so many things would never have happened if I had been successful in killing myself. One of the things I listed was that we would never have met. He very kindly let me know that we had met before I was well and that he just had never brought the experience up because clearly I did not remember and he knew I had been through a lot.

I have no recollection of this, and so many other experiences from that time; But I know that many of you retain these memories of me from before, and I am so grateful to John and every single one of you who have been willing to meet me again over the years, and have made space for me in your lives since.

Thank you to everyone who tried to keep me safe or showed me love during those early years — and thank you all for giving me the chance to be who I am now. It is your kindness that has carried me through.

RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE.

Recovery is Possible.

Longterm addiction recovery is wild cuz every now and then I’ll run into someone from the before world and it’s always like “Oh shit, last time we saw each other you were doing coke off of my friend’s dick while I smoked crack in the single occupancy bathroom at The Tube while like 20 people were knocking on the door after a 4 day bender at my house where we ended up burning all my furniture to keep warm and now I’m just trying to pay for my veggie sandwich but here you are, 15 years later, at the veggie sandwich shop. How have you been?”

Long story short, this is why I never take my sunglasses off.

(P.S. this is advocacy)

10 albums in.

I released my 10th album this week and next year will be celebrating the 25th anniversary of the 1st one. Wild stuff.

I can’t ever tell if I am the hero or the villain of this story, so I usually land on: I am both. People are assholes and I’m one of them. Unlike most of you though, my entire humiliating human journey is on record. Every dark thought I had as a teenager is literally downloadable on iTunes, a quarter of a century later. It’s horrifying and liberating all at once, and has always felt this way to me. I made bedfellows with overexposure early on in my career because I had to as a result of my writing, not because I understood what that would actually mean 25 years down the road.

I’ve been writing songs about what’s happening in my life at any given time since I was a child, and began recording and releasing those songs professionally when I was 17 — still very much a child. Life was all the way off the rails for me back then, and so is everything I did and wrote during that time.

My discography exists in two parts: 1998-2008 sounds like drugs and violence because everything around me was drugs and violence. 2009-now sounds like a person putting things back together after all the drugs and violence. I do my best to stay compassionate with myself about the lot of it, and I am ultimately glad it all exists — but it’s so incredibly hard to look at, in parts. I was a very sad, unwell person for many years, and that comes through loud and clear in all of those tracks from before.

My songs have never been about answers, and they still aren’t. Even now, as a happy, well person, I am all questions and nothing else. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. These albums are just a reflecting pool; kinda hard to make out, quite like the years.

Some of you have been with me this whole time, others have joined at points along the way, and many of you are just getting here now. However you found me and my songs, and however long you have been around, I hope you all know how much it means to me that you are here.

And for anyone about to dig into my back catalog: Apologies in advance. It was the 90s and I was freebasing cocaine.

XO
Logan

I’m on the Mentally Together Podcast this week! Listen here.

I was the guest on this week’s episode of the Mentally Together Podcast with Cassidy Quinn, chatting about recovery and wellness and music and things.

Listen here if ya wanna. 💙

Recovery is possible.

As Recovery Month comes to a close, I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to everyone who believed that my life had worth back when I did not.

It’s been nearly 14 years since the last time I smoked crack, had a needle in my arm, took a drink, was homeless, or tried to hurt myself in some other creative way — and life is good now.

You were right. Thank you. 🖤

Back in the studio this weekend…

…celebrating 13 years of simply not being a monster. 💚❤️

#Gucci

13 years.

20 years ago this month I was homeless in San Francisco, living in a pay-by-the-hour “hotel” in the Tenderloin, trying desperately to convince people I was a normal person instead of a junkie who was starving and scared and just barely hanging on.

Money was expensive back then, but I got myself 3 shirts, a pair of jeans, some sneakers and a Gucci hat, and did my best impression of a human person as I handed out the resumes I had printed at a friend’s house before leaving Portland with a one-way train ticket to the city.

Every move I made back then was an act of desperation, and that desperately fancy hat got me in the door for a job interview at a store that I truly had no business shopping in at the time, much less managing. I got the job and, just like that, I was somebody new.

To this day I am entirely convinced that Gucci cap is what dazzled them into hiring me…or, at least, distracted them into giving me the chance, glassy eyed red flags and all. They would, of course, regret giving me that chance.

I worked hard to turn these fake projections into an actual life for myself while I was still very sick, with some success — but it’s hard to hold onto anything when you have to smoke crack and drink vodka all day just to function.

I built and lost everything many, many times over the course of my 16 year addiction. I was completely disconnected from reality and truth, and I hurt a ton of people as I spun out.

This month marks 13 years since the last time I drank alcohol, used cocaine, crack or heroin, or tried to destroy myself in some other creative way. I am about as far from homeless as a person can get, am surrounded by people and projects I love, and clearly all of my wildest Gucci dreams from way back when have manifested in the years since getting well and becoming myself again.

Honestly, I could never have pictured this life. I seem to have landed that elusive peace I was chasing for so long, and it’s just as I had hoped it would be.

So if you are in the middle of the struggle, giving up on yourself and the idea of a future for your life: DON’T.

Stick around so some strange joy and glamour can find you, too.

#GucciEquilibrium

It Took Over 4,000 Days To Get Here…

I quit drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, popping pills, shooting speedballs, doing lines of cocaine, and smoking crack 11 years ago this week.

This was my body back then. I was 6’ 4” tall and weighed 137 pounds. I was sick and dying and did not care. It took years for me to learn to care, and I’m so grateful for every doctor, every therapist, every friend, every family member, every collaborator, and every stranger who cared on my behalf back when I could not.

Thank you love, thank you dogs, thank you music, thank you Naltrexone, thank you medical marijuana, thank you television, thank you pretty shoes, thank you burritos, thank you second chances, and thank you forgiveness.

I’m here for it. 🏆

Logan Lynn Cover Story and Interview in July Issue of HIM Magazine

Logan Lynn in HIM Magazine - July 2014 Issue

I’m one of the cover stories in the July issue of HIM Magazine, which just came out yesterday. We talk about everything from music and love, to growing up in a non-affirming Christian church, to surviving the violence of my youth and the near-fatal addiction (and triumph over said addiction) which followed.

Read the interview online HERE or you can read the full transcript below.

From HIM Magazine (July 2014 Issue):

Him Magazine July 2014 Edition

“From Preacher’s Kid to Pop Artist: An Interview with Gay Musician Logan Lynn”
By Dominique Robbins
(Photos by Adrian Sotomayor Photography and Leonard Martin Hughet)

Logan Lynn is an American singer, songwriter, and producer. His music pushes the boundaries of what we call “pop” and it challenges us to look inside ourselves and find that person within. His latest album “Tramp Stamps and Birthmarks” give us a little glimpse of who Logan is as an artist and as a human being. With songs like “Turn Me Out” which focuses on his sexual side and even his cover of “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” which gives us a glimpse of his singing background growing up in church, it is safe to say that Logan is well rounded and well brought up. Growing up a Preacher’s kid with a dad who had an on the road ministry to being Read the rest of this entry »

My Mother, The Warrior

My Mother The Warrior (2013) Logan Lynn

Mother’s Day today has me thinking about my own mom, how our relationship has changed over the years, and how lucky I feel to be where we are today together. Our story is one of deep struggle and even deeper joy, all held together by an unbreakable bond which was no doubt formed lifetimes ago.

My mother has always been a strong woman. Growing up in the same oppressive church that I did, she was held down for many years by traditional religious ideals and company which didn’t allow her to identify with this power, but those of us who have known and loved her all this time know that she is a beautiful, powerful force of nature, and she always has been.

Her loving sweetness, her well-read brain, her deep, complex inner life, her quick wit, her fierce loyalty, her earnest desire to be good; to know and accept the truth, and to be forgiving when others fall short, all make up her character and feed into a bright light about her. She brings this light with her when she enters a room, and all who find themselves in her presence are illuminated by it. I have watched this happen in dark corners of buildings, as well as in the darkest corners of my heart, for my entire life.

I learned how to cry from my mother; how to get in touch with my raw feelings and let them out when the world is too mean to keep them in. These skills have been life-saving at different points in my being here. My experience of growing up gay in the Midwest, even sometimes from those closest to me, was that there was no room in the rural Christian landscape for a sissy like me. My mother never once made me feel this way. She took me to dance class when I wanted to go, and she sat proudly at my recitals. She bought me Barbie dolls when I wanted them, and while I’m sure it must have scared her, she always seemed to celebrate my being different.

When I was older and troubled from the battle scars of my youth, my mother once again loved me through her fear. She marched bravely toward death as Read the rest of this entry »

What’s Done Is Done: Honoring Our Past in the Present

(Originally Published on The Huffington Post on 3/4/2013)

In talking with friends and other LGBT people about our experiences growing up queer in a straight world, I’ve found that it’s pretty clear that becoming a well-adjusted citizen has proven more difficult than many of us expected. For each of us, this has manifested in different ways: drug abuse for some, sexual dysfunction for others, problems with emotional intimacy for still others, and for a lucky few like myself, a mix of all three.

2013-02-26-PhotoofLoganLynnbyCareyHaider3.jpgLike many people, I plowed through my teens and 20s like nothing mattered, because back then it didn’t. The world had done me wrong early on, and I was determined to take it out on myself and anyone who dared get close to me. I burned every bridge I came across, and half a decade later the ashes are still smoldering.

During a recent medical visit to address one of the ongoing long-term side effects of my former addiction, the doctor shamed me for having made the terrible choices that I made early on that I am still paying for now (something that has happened on many occasions over the years). With each “this could have been avoided” or “you should just be grateful you are alive,” I felt myself shrinking back into that old bad-seed role that I had inhabited for so many years, and it took days to shake the hopeless feeling of being destined to be seen as who I used to be forever.
Read the rest of this entry »


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