The music video that got me signed to a major label was released 19 years ago today (in 2006!)

I have no idea why this worked at the time, but it did. You probably had to be there to understand except I was there and I still don’t.

TO BE CRINGE IS TO BE FREE.

It should be said that I was still on very bad drugs in 2006. My songs were weird and dark and I had all kinds of ideas that seem super edgelord to me when I watch now. I really was trying to say something at the time and I guess I said it? But LOL cocaine makes people stupid and bad. I’m 18 years in recovery from this exact time.

Some pretty OK songs from that time though and I do forgive myself for being such a mess back then because like what else am I gonna do? Stay mad at a 25 year old raver forever?! Can’t be me.

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7 years ago tonight Jay and I released the last short film we ever made together, Nothing’s Ever Wrong. It was the first time I had directed him, and the song was just me singing live vocals with a piano for the first time in my career. (Not my idea)

The album and film were meant to be a commentary on fame, exposure, addiction, and the isolation we had both been experiencing for years. What happened next was a media circus that stretched across mainstream and LGBTQ+ outlets, focused entirely on the apparently scandalous nudity in the video, followed by our personal lives. It made me feel simultaneously invisible and overexposed, which was honestly the entire point of that record and its accompanying films. It was bonkers. Read the rest of this entry »