It’s sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around all the change that 2010 brought into my life. Nothing is as it was a year ago (Thank GAWD!) Time is amazing. I feel like the last 3 years in particular have changed me at my core, molding me into who I could and should have been years before had I just been brave enough to open my eyes. Forgiveness around this previous internal blindness is part of my journey as well but that’s a whole separate issue that isn’t ready for the world to hear about just yet. Rest assured: Daddy’s workin’ on it…
In July I made the decision to take a break from touring and proceeded to blow my musical career to bits and released what will be my final word (for now) with my record “I Killed Tomorrow Yesterday“. In retrospect I might have been able to handle things differently but at the time I felt like I needed to break everything in order to get away…so that’s what I did. All in all it was quite the spectacle. I have no regrets about making the decision I made but it’s funny to go back and read how upset I was at the time, knowing that less than half a year later it would all matter very little to me. The only regret I have is not taking steps to fix what was wrong sooner (which, as you can probably tell from the paragraph before this one, is a running theme these days).
When all is said and done I am thankful for this past year. In addition to the professional changes which occurred I was single and lived alone the entire year. For the 1st time since I was a 23 year old moron I took time to be by myself, with myself…to figure out what the hell I was doing and what I needed to do to get to where I ultimately want to be. I’m not sure where this next year will take me but I know it will be on my terms. I figured out what kind of people I’m looking to have in my life and what kind of people I am not. I let painful things go and I did not follow them where they went. They left and I waved at them instead. I sat still in the discomfort of change and let it take over, let it do its thing. Now on the other side I am finding new people, new experiences, new ways of looking at the world. I am closer to free than I have ever been though I am, as ever, a work in progress.
I hope you all have a happy new year! Be who you are and don’t worry about what the world thinks. The world is most likely wrong about you anyhow.
xxLL
P.S. – Speaking of progress, below is a photo of my bald ass without a hat. That’s right. I’m coming out as a 31 year old bald man. Eat it up, popworld. Also: DUH. Why else would I have been wearing a hat in every photo and video ever taken of me since 2000???!!! I’ve been wearing a hat since I was 21 and have been bald this whole fucking time. Deal with it, gays. The shit’s real.
🙂
SHORT VERSION:
Give to Q Center, Get a record. Click the banner image below, write the word “Logan” in the DONATION DEDICATION section, then donate whatever amount you can. Everyone who does this before August 30th will receive my new record, “I Killed Tomorrow Yesterday” on Tuesday, August 31st via the email address you provide on the Q Center donation form.
LONG VERSION:
Hi again, everybody! It’s been a little over a week since I announced my plans to step away from the stage for the time being and the reaction from all of you has been really incredible. Thanks so much for all the emails and messages in the days since. It’s been reassuring to be able to so clearly see that I have not been wrong about all of you this whole time…that you totally ARE as wonderful as I like to think about you all being…that sometimes strangers care about you more than people you’ve known for years. Thank you for hearing where I’m at enough to wish me well on my journey. I’ve collected so much love from you through the past decade of my being in your ears. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve it but I feel so lucky to be connected with this sea of like-minded, sensitive, caring individuals all scattered across the globe…
So WHAT’S NEXT??? I think I may have figured that part out. You know how I was saying I needed to do something that matters for a little while and use my powers for good instead of just to be a famous singing douchebag who complains about how horrible his life is or whatever? Well, I actually meant it and have been exploring what that looks like in the immediate future. I’ve recently been involved with Portland’s Q Center (Oregon’s ONLY LGBTQ Community Center) and have been feeling personally drawn to that place for months. Ever since I stepped foot in the door and met Kendall Clawson (the center’s Executive Director) it’s been clear that she is on a mission to make something really big happen for not just the various queer communities in Oregon but the nation as well. Big things are happening out of that place and I want to be on the frontline of the change. I honestly don’t give a shit about pop music at the moment but I do care passionately about human rights and making things safe for the gay community at large, the community I Read the rest of this entry »
Hey everybody. As I near the 10 year anniversary of my debut record, “GLEE” (which was originally released in October of 2000) I’ve been thinking a lot about all the years from there to here. I have come to some conclusions not only about the journey I’ve been on since then musically and in my personal life, but also the journey I intend to be on moving forward with both.
One thing that is painfully clear to me and everyone who knows me in real life is that I AM MISERABLE. I have been for some time. I’m sick of being broke, mismanaged, overworked, screwed over by the folks who are supposed to be looking out for me…you know, all the hits. Ever since I overcame my paralyzing stage fright, playing shows has been great and I’ve had a wonderful time on tour this Summer with The Gentry but the abnormalities that come along with being a working musician in the digital era without the proper, traditional support of a label are too much for me to just keep absorbing. I can’t be gone all the time like this. I don’t want to spend my life on the road with strangers in bars and hotel rooms. It’s not healthy. I’m homesick for a home that does not exist because I have been too busy to create it for myself, no other reason. I need something real in my life. I can no longer pretend that things are going to suddenly feel better like magic when I know that they are not. These things I’m putting all my energy into obtaining are not making me happy. They are not ever going to because fame and money and attention is not what I want anymore. It’s time that I take control of my own happiness, something I have been dreading and avoiding for years now because of the terrible consequences and pressures attached to doing so. I am finally brave enough and there is just no stopping me. My humanity is in need of repair. These are someone else’s dreams I’m killing myself to fulfill. It is time for me to chase the light to happiness, not acceptance by the masses.
I am going to take some time completely off far away from the business of being myself professionally, then we’ll see where life has led me. These final shows next month with The Gentry in Salem, on August 6th & in Portland on the 20th are going to be the last shows I play for at least a year or two so I hope you can make it. They are going to be very special nights. Please, PLEASE come to the final show at Mississippi Studios on Friday, August 20th and wish me farewell on my new journey.
I don’t know what I am going to be doing from here but I fulfilled my contract with Beat The World (so I know what I’m not going to be doing, which is a very clear start…or finish, as it were). I am Free, an unsigned independent artist once again, not bound to any contracts, people or associations. I find myself in a moment where I can do one of two things; and I gotta choose the peaceful road, you guys. Think I’m gonna go help people for awhile, do something that actually matters—that isn’t so self-serving and based in phony, superficial publicity opportunities. I am leaving the door open for me to change my mind later on so I’m not saying I’m done forever by any means but it honestly does feel that way at the moment. I just finished that new record with Bryan Cecil and have been leaking the demos all week, freeing myself of the rules and regulations that come with being a brand instead of just some stoner dude who makes funny sounding synthpop songs about death and darkness on his keyboard. If another label comes along and picks me up to release it I’d Read the rest of this entry »
