(Originally Published in Just Out Magazine, August 2012 Issue)

My beloved Pomeranian companion of the past ten years died suddenly a little over two months ago and I have yet to make heads or tails of the whole thing. Truthfully, I’ve been carrying his cremated body around in a tiny tin box ever since, sleeping with him next to me at night, and am so far having a really hard time letting him go.

During the first few weeks after his death I was in a state of sheer panic around his absence. For over a decade, silence in the house meant little dude was up to some sort of mischief or that he was in trouble, so to be suddenly surrounded by this new, impenetrable quiet has been unsettling. I found myself calling for him in the night, looking for him all over the house in the morning, and waiting to hear the pitter-patter of his paws on the hardwood floor as I opened the front door or walked to the kitchen, but he is gone.

As it turns out, I had a great deal of purpose wrapped up in taking care of this tiny creature, and I’m finding that in many ways I was dependent on the love I received from him in return. He was the only consistent thing in my life for the past decade, and without him around everything just feels harder. I have yet to make it through a full day without some sort of tearful breakdown and was unable to control said emotional outbursts at all until very recently. It sounds crazy that an animal could make me lose my mind like this, but he was so much more than a dog to me. For many years he was my child, my family, the only reason I got out of bed in the morning, and the only reason I came home at night…so to call him my “pet” minimizes the depth of our relationship.
A few weeks back while I was talking to a close friend about my inability to let Dutch go, he challenged me that maybe it was feeling too hard to do because I wasn’t actually supposed to be doing it. He suggested that, instead of working so hard to let him go, I should learn to hold onto Dutch in new ways. His body is gone, that much is certain. All that’s left is this box of ashes…which isn’t all that comforting when I stop and think about it.

So, I took his advice. I began to look for Dutch again, minus the feeling of panic those initial searches held after he passed. I started to focus on all the ways he is still here with me instead of mourning all the ways he is not, and suddenly he was Read the rest of this entry »

My new video “Turn Me Out” is featured over at PQ Monthly today alongside the announcement of the remix contest. Check it out HERE or just keep reading below.

From PQ Monthly, 8/1/2012:

“Local electro-pop musician Logan Lynn (perhaps better known locally as the public relations and innovations manager for Q Center) released the music video for his new single “Turn Me Out” last week. Lynn described the inspiration for the song and the video, which is scheduled to air on MTV and LOGO, in an interview with Sugar Bang:

The song is about longing for your partner to want you, about the complexities of intimacy between two people who are very close…ultimately it’s about my wanting to get fucked and be loved by the man I love. As for the video, the concept all gets credited to Director Curtis Speer. It was his photography which led me to working with him on this video. He has a very particular point of view which I think is great. There’s something so haunting about his photographs.

The single is part of Lynn’s upcoming album “Tramp Stamps & Birthmarks” (due out Dec. 4). The album includes contributions by writer David Appaloosa (THE HUGS) and producer Gino Mari. Lynn is extending that collaborative spirit by holding a remix contest. The winner will receive Lynn’s entire discography (1999-2012). If the remix gets released, its creator will get 50 percent of the profit from sales. All entries will be featured on Lynn’s website.

Check out the carnival-themed video below.