After I left Hollywood and ended my last relationship with you-know-who I decided to take some time to be completely alone and figure out what was actually going on in my life.

I promised myself at that point that the next person I let in close, kissed, slept with, or explored any sort of relationship with, would be someone I had first taken the proper time to get to know, like, trust, and genuinely care for — and I have kept that promise in the half a decade since.

Anyway, I’ve had a good solo run and have learned a ton about what (and who) I want and what (and who) I don’t want, but I’m back on men now.

Kind, dog-loving men who like naps and sandwiches and have long since deleted their Grindr accounts: Ask me out.💋

Tiffany & Co. // #TiffanyHardWear

I’m one of like 5 people who somehow managed to have a good year — but I miss restaurants, live music, trying on clothes in stores, and staying home for fun. I miss making eyes with random men at parties and the creepy way my chiropractor always used to tell me I smelled good while he was cracking my back. I miss your faces, I miss movie theaters, and most of all, I miss not being afraid all the time — for you, for me, and for what all of this means for the future.

I responded to this madness by leaning all the way into joy, glamour, music, fashion, fundraising and gayness, everywhere I could. I made keeping myself, my family, and my colleagues safe and moving forward my number one priority in 2020 — and it worked. We did the thing and we are still here.

Love you all. I’ll kiss you at midnight next year.

I’ve been locked in the house for exactly 3 weeks and 3 days and have been really leaning into Instacart to deliver supplies and food. Today was the 3rd time since March 7th that the stores (plural) had no toilet paper. None. Zero.

Anyway, when my delivery driver arrived just now after shopping for hours and striking out on the TP aisle at each spot, I noticed a gift bag in one of the grocery sacks. When I asked him what it was, he said “Oh, I live nearby and have toilet paper at home so I ran and grabbed a few rolls for you.”

I’m not sure if I’ve just been in here for too long by myself or what, but it was super moving and made me cry. I honestly feel like it is one of the kindest things a stranger has ever done for me.

Grocery delivery people are doing humanitarian work right now. Tip them accordingly! 🧻

March is always a weird time of year for me. It’s the anniversary of the last time I tried to take my own life — and nearly succeeded. It’s also the anniversary of my being hospitalized for said suicide attempt, which was ultimately the catalyst for my getting off drugs and alcohol once and for all, after 16 years of being stuck in a crack-fueled trauma cycle I just could not break out of by myself.

That was 12 years ago this month, and in the 4,380 days since, I have found a way to center my entire life around love, healing, and forgiveness. I’ve fought for myself and built a career that I am super grateful for and proud of. I have food in my fridge and a beautiful roof over my head that I never take for granted for even one moment, after struggling with housing and basic safety for most of my teens and 20s. And I have found ways of belonging in the world alongside the friends and family who made space for me to become this person all those years ago.

Thank you for believing I could and for holding me close. I realize it’s hard for some people to picture me this way. I am unrecognizably well, and you really just had to be there…but if you weren’t, I’m glad.

And if you are struggling right now, please know you can always reach out. Life will change if you stick around. I promise. It’s what life does. You should be here for it. 🖤

‪All my dreams came true this decade — even the nightmares — and I am grateful for both. ‬

‪Alive is cool. 🖤‬

One year ago tonight I decided I was going to pivot professionally, put my belongings in storage, ditch my house, break up, buy a $100,000.00 RV, and move to the ocean with only the dog and a mess of Gucci ready-to-wear. I had no real plan, but knew it was time to quiet things all the way down for a minute.

That minute turned to 8 weird months on the beach, and the path from there to here has been nothing short of strange and beautiful — but my plan did work. 12 months later I’m happy, relaxed, inspired, surrounded by kindness, and regret nothing.

Hate your life? Blow that shit up. ✊

‪It’s Pride month! Every gay should be able to shop in my gay store, even if you don’t have gay dollars to spend on gay things like vinyl, CDs and downloads.‬

‪If you want something HERE but can’t buy it, message me your gay addy and I’ll buy it for you. ‬

‪🌈👊❤️‬

I adopted Pretty Baby from Oregon Humane Society exactly 6 months ago today. They told me at the time that it could take up to 8 months for her to come to me or be comfortable in the new environment, but I just knew she was supposed to come home with me, so she did.

For about a year before that, I had been telling myself that I was going to bring a new animal into my home/heart/life once Jay, Gil and I finished this new record, and on our final day of mastering in the studio, I got sucked into the OHS dog adoption site, so I drove over to meet some pups.

As I came into the building, they had this giant tree with polaroids of lost or abandoned baby dogs under the banner “Home For Christmas”. I don’t even like Christmas, but for some reason the construction paper branches with tiny dog faces glued on them like ornaments pulled me in.

There were only 7 dogs left on what had clearly been a very well populated display at the beginning of the season. One of them looked so much sadder than the others. They thought she was two. A chihuahua mix who had spent her entire life cooped up in a tiny house with 98 other dogs and one very troubled animal hoarder.

This particular creature had never been held, never gone on a walk, never used stairs, never had a treat, and had spent her entire first 2 years locked inside, neglected and essentially fending for herself, before landing in doggie jail.

I asked to meet her. The attendant said “Now, if you are looking for a dog to go on walks with you, this is not the right dog. She may never be willing or able to go on walks due to fear.”

As I approached her cage, she growled and gave me ample verbal warning that she was not interested in making eye contact, so we didn’t. Instead, I went into one of the visitation rooms and waited for her to come see me.

When she finally got to the door, she refused come in — but my baby voice powers are too great for any creature to withstand. We stayed in there for a very long time together, first with the Humane Society volunteer, then by ourselves. She frantically looked for a way out for most of that time and I just kept saying “Who’s a baby? Who’s a pretty baby?” over and over to her. She eventually stopped trying to escape and accepted the chicken I had been offering and I figured if baby voice works here, it will definitely also work at home.

I told the attendant she was coming with me. They were all very concerned that I was adopting such a challenging individual without much forethought, but I understood who this dog was. We are the same. And she was not staying here, scared and alone, for another minute. They packed her up in a travel case for me and we left.

I was able to stay home with her over the days that followed. It was truly rough. She cried and growled and we continued to not make eye contact. I let her be, I sang songs constantly so she would get used to my voice, and my vegan fingers threw pieces of chicken her way before making any movements. This went on for 8 full days.

On our 8th evening together, right as I was really beginning to question what I had done to my previously quiet, easy life, something changed. She walked right up to me and wanted to be picked up, which I did then for the very first time. She stared at me really close to my face for what must have been an hour and wanted to hold hands periodically while she stared. She appeared to be crying what looked to be human tears; something I’ve never seen her (or any dog, for that matter) do before or ever since.

These were tears of gratitude. She had finally realized she was home. Safe. And that big scary human chicken man isn’t scary after all.

Today Pretty Baby is a happy, well-adjusted, queen. I hosted a retreat for my team at my house this week and she greeted everyone with tail wags and sniffs. No growls. No cries. No barks. No fear.

Love is powerful magic, friends. Living with this tiny lady the past 6 months and watching her move through her trauma by way of trusting and loving me has been one of the most healing, beautifully unexpected experiences.

Please go adopt someone that needs you!