As I approach the 12th anniversary of my being in recovery from cocaine and alcohol, I am genuinely feeling really happy to be here, and so excited about life.

This hasn’t always been the case, as anyone who has followed me for any length of time will already know. I was using drugs back then for a reason — many reasons, actually — and those reasons didn’t magically disappear just because I quit smoking crack and killing my body slowly with vodka. If anything, those reasons became clearer and felt worse as I was getting well.

I am forever thankful for my doctors, who allowed me to go on a journey of harm reduction instead of total abstinence at first. The reality is, this recovery would never have worked if I hadn’t been put on Naltrexone for cravings, or if I hadn’t been able to use medical marijuana during my transition from suicidal junkie to regular human person. Pot saved me for many years, and gave me the space and time I needed to become myself again after nearly two decades of orbiting the atmosphere alone.

A few months ago, the weed stopped helping like it once had, and I went back to the same team of docs who had saved me, to see what was up. I made the transition from medical marijuana to BusPar around that time and almost immediately felt that impending sense of doom I’ve had strapped to my back since childhood disappear completely.

This is all just to say, recovery looks different for everyone, and it changes over time. If medication assistance helps you, take the medicine. I certainly have, and I’m zero percent ashamed about it. If you are experiencing addiction but aren’t ready to go totally sober right at first, then just find ways of hurting yourself less. That all counts as recovery, too — and fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

If you had told me 12 years ago that this life I’ve been living would someday be mine to live, I would never have believed you…but here we are. Healthy, happy and loved. 100% sober. Alive, inspired, and grateful. This shit is a goddamn miracle. 🤘💛

‪Honored to be featured on The Good Men Project this week! Check it out at www.GoodMenProject.com 💙‬

Always funny to me when some puffed up clout chasing homophobe starts being gross or hateful in my direction to try and shame, scare or bully me publicly.

Like, uhhhh…I was abused as a child in the church, escaped that cult on my own as a 12 year old, left my family as a 14 year old, came out of the closet, survived being gay in Nebraska, survived being gay in Michigan, survived being gay in Kansas, survived being gay in Tennessee, survived being a gay homeless drug addict in the streets of San Francisco and Portland for 16 years after that, survived mental health crises, eventually got well on my own, survived being gay in Hollywood, survived the media, and have managed to build a truly happy life in the 12 years since that I am actually excited about living, as well as a career that I am super proud of.

These little videos and internet posts calling me gay and crazy never hurt me. GAY AND CRAZY IS LITERALLY MY BRAND. 🌈🖤